Valerean

Two years ago I made my first memory quilt out of my old t-shirts. It was also the last time I would even think about making a t-shirt quilt because I struggled so much with the execution. Cotton jersey is a nightmare to sew, even on the machine. My hands didn't want to cooperate so I couldn't do as much embroidery as I wanted to (that was the very first time arthritis kept me from quilting, I think.) The fact that it's become one of my favorite quilts does not tempt me to revisit the experience. I also know I couldn't make this quilt now (or it would take me a year or two.) The old me struggled with the making; the present me would not even try. I can barely hold a needle anymore. So I crochet, and I tell myself that's a reasonable substitution because what else can I do? I crochet well. I crochet a lot. Still, I miss quilting. And I hate that I miss quilting. And then I miss quilting and the me who could do it even more. And then I hate myself a li...

With my nephew moving out, my daughter now coming for an extended visit, and my guy needing minor surgery, as well as a project I need to finish for my day job, my quiet life is suddenly becoming very chaotic. Pressure mounts as I try to manage the additional tasks as well as everyone's expectations of me. This time, however, a lot has changed in my ability to do so, thanks to some changes I've made in how I perceive and address the expectations of others. Actions versus Expectations: As always I do what I can, but I no longer overextend myself, especially while others who create the work for me stand by doing nothing and/or criticize me for not satisfying their requirements. I am not a machine. Nor do I beat myself up if I can't make them happy. That's their problem, not mine. Calming Meditation: I have a new habit in the mornings, in that I'm choosing a spiritual teaching to focus on that day, and also to meditate on as I walk the dogs or do my chores....

The other night I noticed I made a pretty large mistake in the throw I was crocheting. I made it two hours before I noticed it, in fact, which meant if I wanted to correct it I would have to rip out two and a half very long rows. My other choice was to keep going and hope it wouldn't be noticeable. I'm not lazy. I ripped out two hours of work to fix the mistake. I didn't curse myself for making it. Back at the end of November I completely wrecked myself and the holiday projects I'd planned by spraining a finger while taking a shower. At the time I was working on, of all things, a silly little dollar store crochet kit. Honestly, it was a bit of a relief not to have to work on holiday projects so much. I splinted up my finger and did the best I could for the rest of the holidays. I didn't kick myself for the accident. I made this crochet bear from baby blanket yarn, and misread the pattern, so it turned out like I'd given it thalidomide. My fi...

For me self-care is turning out to be more than just doing nice things for myself. It's making changes in what I do and how I do it to avoid problems and be realistic as well as kinder to myself. I was looking through my photo archives and found this pic from last year around this time. I was within eight weeks or so of finishing my calendar mood blanket, and it already covered our king size bed. That was when I realized I'd made it a lot bigger than the original pattern, probably due to my choice to use thrifted worsted weight yarn, the bigger hook I employed, and my hand problems creating bigger rather than smaller stitches. As I recall I wasn't really upset about it -- stuff happens when you make stuff -- but now I think I need to start actually checking the gauge before I began a crochet project. I've always eyeballed it since, well, forever, and it's time to stop doing that to avoid disappointment. For a while now I've been forbidding myself ...

This is an end-of-the-year photo collage I made for my old blog back in 2018; I cobbled together pics of the best of the quilts and quilted objects I made throughout that year. I did this for some time until my arthritis started seriously damaging my hands, and I couldn't quilt as much as I wanted anymore. I like seeing at a glance what I have been able to do in a year, and it reminds me that all in my life is not negative. For self-care maybe I should revisit this habit in some different ways. I did a couple of quick mock ups to see if I have enough pics to put together (I would wait until the end of the year and redo this one before making it official, obviously.) I'm crocheting a lot lately, though, so an annual crochet collage would be fun. I could also do seasonal themed collages of the different projects I make, as well as fun thrifted finds. I tend to only put any value on my quilting, but I do a lot of other things, too, so everything doesn't have to b...

For over fifty years I wrote in journals for many reasons, including composing story ideas and poetry, documenting my life, and dealing with all the problems of my career. This shelf of journals represents just a couple years of that habit. Giving my shy self a place to safely vent was a big help. I loved it, and it was an excellent means of self-care, but I stopped hand writing in journals some time ago because of my arthritis, which makes it difficult to hold a pen. As my first step on the wellness path I decided to invest in a beautiful handmade art journal and start journaling again. I'm focusing on documenting my self-care routines and how well they work versus griping about others. I know it's a safe place for me but I also want it to be a joyous place. Sort of like an anti-toxic people fortress into which I can retreat, if that makes sense. So far I'm doing okay with the hand-writing, but if that becomes difficult again I'll type my entries ...