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The Big Why

Some years back I began ending contact with people who for whatever reason had a toxic affect on me. This included colleagues, friends, and nearly all of my family members. I did not tell anyone why because at the time I honestly didn't understand why I was doing it; I just knew I needed to.

I ended my relationships as politely as I could, but regardless I hurt some feelings. I have always tried to be accessible and helpful to the people in my life. I'm a very dependable person, and they counted on me to listen to and tolerate their problems, even when they never reciprocated. I also put up with a lot of toxic behavior from them because I believed eventually they would grow up and change. They never did. Funny that after treating me so badly most of them still thought they had the right to be in my life, and got very upset with me for ending the relationships.

Now I know why I let go of so many relationships. After more than sixty years on the planet it was time for me to find some peace, which I could never do with these folks in my life. I have always been a magnet for bullies and people who need to hurt others in order to feel good about themselves, and most of the toxic people in my life were one or the other. I also reached my hard limit for being used and harmed by others, even though I didn't realize it at the time.

Once I cut off all the toxic-to-me people, peace arrived. So did beauty, quiet and creativity. I finally look forward to waking up in the morning. Now I am not completely alone, but only a very few select people are allowed anywhere near me. If any of them are negative in any way toward me, I curtail my contact with them. If they grow so toxic that I can't bear to be around them, I cut them off, too. I also don't invite new people into my life anymore.

I have had enough.

I don't look back. I don't apologize anymore. I don't regret anything, either, except maybe that I waited so long to do this. I had some lingering doubts about ending my relationships with people who were harmful to me -- I was trained as a child to serve others, particularly the family -- but watching this video helped squash them.

My life is very peaceful now, my days are filled with beauty, and I don't dread my life or the people around me anymore. It's bliss.

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