This quilt won't be half as much trouble as the boomerang pattern was, and yet I feel intimidated. I'm convinced I'll mess it up, waste the fabric and look like an idiot for trying. Every nasty thing anyone has ever said about my quilting goes on repeat in the back of my head. I get squashed by my own timidity.
Vocabulary.com says "The noun timidity is related to the Latin word timidus, from timere, meaning “to fear.” In fact, fear is often a cause of timidity — fear of the unknown, fear of not knowing what to do. For example, you might experience timidity in visiting a country for the first time because you aren't sure of the local customs or you don't speak the language well. Because you are afraid of embarrassing yourself, you hold back."
Yep.
With writing professionally timidity (and trying to conceal it) was probably my biggest problem outside of dealing with those people in NYC. I would rather crawl under a bed and live there than discuss my work with anyone. Some of my more aggressive/blunt editors scared the crap out of me. Then there was dealing with all their fancy terminology. Remember, self-taught here. I had to ask one editor to send me a list explaining what all those weird symbols she drew on my manuscripts meant. Needless to say, she was astonished that I didn't know what editing marks were.
It never got better for me, either. Even with the very last book I published for NY I still felt clueless, and totally intimidated. My final editor was probably the kindest I ever had, and coached me on a couple of things that he felt I should have known, like "You should always name or identify the POV character for the reader in the first line of the scene." I felt dreadful because I'd already written fifty books without ever once worrying about something like that.
Since I still struggle with timidity I have no wisdom to share on how to overcome it. Most of the time I just blunder along and do what I can to endure it in silence. Timid people are inevitably looked down on by the rest of the world; just try to find a positive quotation about it. My problem started back in childhood, and was likely triggered by a sister who was prettier, smarter and far more charismatic; she also liked to pull cruel, humiliating pranks on me. I never told anyone because I was afraid of what she'd do to me if I did. Intense fear + repeated embarrassment = timidity.
What I find ironic is that a lot of advice for shy people includes "Don't tell anyone." Maybe if I'd stood up for myself and admitted I had a problem I wouldn't be so timid.
I'm still fighting my shyness. For example, I've just joined a NaNoWriMo writing group on their web site. I've never done that, and maybe it will help me be a little more social.
Comments
Many times I've hung back on the sidelines, but it's part of my modus operandi. I hang back because it gives me time to learn what's going on and how things are run.
I see who the big mouths are, who does the actual work, and who really knows what's going on. And then I dip a toe in and offer to do a job no one wants to do. It helps me to be part of the group without placing too much attention on myself.
I'm still shy, but it's manageable.
And just so you know, I'm still going to Nano ;)
I've had to literally cut off contact with family members who are unrelenting bullies. It's the only way I've been able to end the ugliness, but it works.