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Losses and Gains

I have taken to wearing a bracelet on my left wrist these days. I've never liked wearing a lot of jewelry, so it isn't that. It's to remind me not to use my left hand, which I now do unconsciously all the time for some weird old person reason. This also means I fumble, knock over and drop a lot of things, because my damaged left hand only has about 30% function due to damage from past surgeries. My grip also depends on how much my arthritis is flaring, which is a lot these days.

I'm not bitter; I'm grateful I still have a hand. I'm just being practical. My brain wants me to use the left because I'm a southpaw (and apparently I always will be) but I know that's not a good idea. Hence the bracelet.

Last night I got a relatively better night of sleep by strategically adding a pillow to slightly elevate my head, take some of the pressure off my neck, and create more side space for my damaged left shoulder. I'm a side-sleeper and there is only one position that is comfortable for me, so I use pillows to try and keep myself in that position. I have arthritis in my neck and shoulder that is steadily growing worse, too, so this doesn't always work. Sometimes I have to take naps during the day because I didn't sleep well.

I'm fine with that, as I've been living with arthritis since I was twenty-eight. If I can get four or five hours of good sleep a night, I'm grateful for that as well. Last night I got seven. That's like getting an early birthday present.

When I was younger obviously I could do more, and sometimes I wish I could go back to those days. I'm a person who likes to do a lot of things. When I become depressed over what I can't do anymore, I remind myself that I'm still here, I'm still mobile, and I am lucky that I can work out ways to manage my impairments and still do some things. Staying positive makes every day an early birthday present.

Image credit: Steampunk hand image created by Hotpot.ai's art generator.

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