Wake-up Call

I've never paid much attention to my arthritis. Other than finding ways to live with the limitations it's imposed on me, I don't brood about it or feel sorry for myself. Everytime one of my joints really hurts (quite frequently these days) I think of quadraplegics and amputees, to remind myself it could be always worse. It helps that I have a high threshold for pain, too. My arthritis may be crippling me every day now, but it doesn't control my outlook.

I also don't think about how much and how fast the condition of my hands is deteriorating. Over the last year I've lost about 50% of the use of my working hand. There are a few things I can't do anymore that I have to ask for help with now, like opening tight-lidded jars or gripping and carrying heavy things. Yes, it sucks, but I'm not going to waste my time letting it bother me.

Last month I woke up one morning in pain, as usual, but with a new twist: one of my trigger fingers had curled over and become stuck in that position. This had never before happened to me, so it was a little frightening. I managed to uncurl the finger, and later ordered some finger splints that I can wear at night to avoid a repeat, but evidently this is my new normal. I didn't expect it would bother me so much, but it does. Until now my limitations have come on gradually and I've had time to mentally prepare for them. Not anymore, it seems.

We're all getting older, and facing new challenges due to age. I've had to cope with arthritis already for thirty-five years, so I know the drill. Accept what I cannot change, be grateful for what I can still do, let go of all the rest -- and now, be prepared for sudden changes. Am I happy about it? Nope. Is it fair? Of course not. Can I live with it? Absolutely.