Mom died a year ago today. So many people have died over the last two years I feel almost selfish thinking about my own loss, and I prefer to celebrate birthdays of those I've lost rather than the day they passed away. Still, it's always in the back of my mind when the calendar rolls around to that particular date. Because I knew it was coming at me I pressed ahead with getting the linen quilt ready for stitching so I'd have something to work on while coping with the reminder.
I feel a little depressed, mostly, but also calm and accepting. Emotionally I had a much harder time dealing with losing my dad. My mother's death released from any more financial obligation to that side of the family, and cut the last tie we had, so in many ways it was a huge relief to be done with them. Since Mom passed I've also had to send Kat off to start her adult life, so in a way it reminds me to be a better mother to my daughter while I can. I've done okay, I think, but I can do better.
I think Mom would understand all this. As for mourning, I'd rather remember the good things about her, and in November do something to celebrate her birthday the way I do with my dad and grandmother. That seems the way to go on.
1 comment:
I'm so sorry I missed this yesterday. It wasn't a good day. I sent you an email a week or two ago, but to add a little to it, my father in law is yet again back home and I think he's really just trying to die. My sister in law is bound and determined to not allow that even though she is completely unwilling to accept the fact that she has no say in the matter...it's been a long several weeks now. So please accept my apologies. I'm very sorry and I know how you feel. I do. It's been too many years past now and I don't often notice now the day my mother died, I notice her birthday still. It will get easier every year. Not better, never better, but easier. *hugs*
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