Fin

I have been thinking about when I will stop writing for income, which I had planned to do at 67, the age I'm eligible for full social security benefits (or was. They've changed it again so I might have to wait until 68.) Up until this year it seemed like a fuzzy, not very important deadline, but with my limitations increasing I may need to adjust my finish line to 65, the age I qualify for Medicare. That's about a year and nine months from now.

Before I say anything else I know that (if I can) I will keep on writing professionally for as long as I can, and after that until the very end of my life. This is the thing I do; I can't imagine a life where I don't write. I'll either post it online or leave it for my heirs along with all my other unpublished writing. That said, it is possible that I will not be able to do what I want to if I end up with diabetes stage three: dementia, which also made my mom incapable of writing in her final years. Alzheimer's disease, a form of dementia, destroyed my dad's mind almost entirely before he died. There may be other conditions that prevent me from writing, too. It hasn't happened to me, but the strong possibility that it will is an unhappy, ugly truth.

During my first pro career as a writer for various reasons I was not able to finish several series. Readers have often asked that I go back and write the books that were left behind and self-publish them. If it were a year or two past I probably could, but I am very different from the writer who 24 years ago had her first series shut down by NY (that one I was able to complete a few years later after they got some confidence in me.) Also, while I'm sympathetic to the readers, I have no interest in revisiting those universes. When they told me to stop and do something else, I dealt with the ego blow and did, so I've moved on.

Here's another ugly truth: I put up with a lot of crap when I worked for NY (they better hope I never write my memoir.) Any continuation I self-published would possibly help to pour more money into their pockets. After all my years of dedicated work those people kicked me to the curb without hesitation. Readers also moved on, as they should. That's why the hard, cold side of of me thinks "You had your chance." Now I write for my amazing partner and our business, which I would like to do as long as I can.

I've also thought about when I'll shut down this blog and finally step away from social media for good. I didn't realize until I checked the archive that I started Valerean 5 years ago. Before that I wrote on Tumblr for a few years, and then had the other infamous blog (that shall remain nameless so no one tracks me here) that I wrote for 14 years. Believe it or not before that blog there were two others dating back to when I turned pro. I also have a social media account and another blog that is a 95% dupe of this one minus all the names and personal identifiers. I use those for online acquaintances in the quilting community who don't know who I was (so I can keep it that way.) I don't know when to stop blogging, but I probably should shut it down at the same time I stop writing for income.

It's a bit depressing to think about this stuff, but I've written a lot of stories since the first one 55 years ago. Yes, I've been writing that long. :) For the last 25 years I've written pretty much daily. Writing is so much a part of my life I generally schedule everything else around it. My family does come first, but even when I'm working for them I'm thinking about the writing I need to do. Anyway, the point is that I have written enough to satisfy basically anyone's expectations of what a writer should produce. Anyone but me, I guess.

If I can, however, I will write until I take my last breath. If there is a heaven for me, it will be a place where I can write forever.